Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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