Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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