my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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