So drunk its hurt
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
