i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
