she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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