it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
