pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
