girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it hurts more in the daytime
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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