Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
