i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
