i just wanna soil my oats bro
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
