I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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