Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
