just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
