Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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