So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
