I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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