then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize