What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
