Farmville is her only friend.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
