I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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