I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
