Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im holly from the hills drunk
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
