Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
