Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
