So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
