Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
