Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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