i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
