I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
