Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
