Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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