i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
