im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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