I love black thongs
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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