Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
