Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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