The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
