even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
