he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
