I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
