And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize