I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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