my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
