Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
