Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
