We won't sleep together?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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