grandma shit on top of the toilet
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
