Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
