If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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