dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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