peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
