community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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