I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just found a bag of teeth...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
