It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
