I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
