3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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