i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
