I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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