no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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