in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
