Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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