remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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