The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
