i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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