i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
