I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize