So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
