I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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