i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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