What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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