Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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