Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
