i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
