Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
