I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
