there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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