Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
