could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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