Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
