I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
