I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
