Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
