We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
