I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
