you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
