Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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