What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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