She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
