yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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