Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
