I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
