masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
