You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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