Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I want to be your penis for a week.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
