I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
