Yo dont text me then not text me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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