I hate all girls vehemently.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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